Current mood:	lonely
Current music:	Basement Buzzing

Sadness/Rant
That's it I have had it. I want out. I need freedom. I need to just get away. *deep breath* ok, I better now.

Tonight has just been one of those nights. Everything as seem to come to a head for me in both the family/friend world. I have come to several realizations with my family. One being that I am here to assist and serve in the capacity they need without regards to what I might have planned for myself for the evening. I know this is sounding selfish already, but I have to say it is annoying as hell when you plan to go down to the lakefront and relax with a good book and you walk in the door and your mom hands you a list of things she needs to get done. Now if this happened occasionally, I wouldn't mind. In fact if she said to me the night before, Julie, tomorrow I am going to need some help around the house, I would have no problems cancelling my plans by myself, but it never happens that way. And even sometimes when it has to be last minute I don't mind dropping my plans to pitch in, it is just that sometimes I would like a little alone time or time to get out of my house and I just don't get it. Secondly, my family is nosey as hell. Example, a friend of mine calls me on my cell phone, I answer, talk and come back to living room to pick up whatever I was doing. Mom then asks who called, I say a friend from school. Most people would let it drop there, not my mom she wants to know which one. And I have told her that it bothers me and she still does it. Ok, so those are my big family rants. I know they aren't that big in retrospect, it just sometimes feels like they are.

When looking at my friends though, I feel very alone here at home, because I don't have that many close friends that live around here anymore. Most of my friends are scattered across several states. Ranging from IL to MI to IN to other locations. And even my friends who are close to me are sometimes 30 or more minutes away, so it isn't always feezable to just randomly decide to do something like we do at school. I just miss being closer to people. Though tonight one of my friend back home pissed me off. Oh, is Jeff going to get it when I get ahold of him. I can stand changes in plans if you have a good reason. I can even stand you standing me up once without calling if there was an emergency. However, doing it 2 to 3 times gets to be a bit much. I am irritated beyond belief with him at present. And in case you are going to ask if he had a good reason, for the first 2 no he didn't ,but for tonight I don't know yet cuz he still hasn't called me. Sorry it has been a bit of a rough night.

Anyway, just feeling more alone right know then usual and feeling very seperated from people. :-(